


Hooking

by caramelcoastal



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, And Junkrat is all of them, Bad Ending, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor, I'm Bad At Titles, Junkrat is a Little Shit, Mako has 99 Problems, Weird Plot Shit, Weirdness, but really, when is he not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 17:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8065585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caramelcoastal/pseuds/caramelcoastal
Summary: I literally just wrote this at 3 AM. This is a Mech-On ship, something I kinda started on tumblr and a few people like. This is a request from anonymous on tumblr. "Maybe a Mech-On fic where Roadhog is overhwelmed by ab army of Hanas - would that work as a request?" Anything works as a request, Anon! I love some good crack in the morning.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I literally just wrote this at 3 AM. This is a Mech-On ship, something I kinda started on tumblr and a few people like. This is a request from anonymous on tumblr. "Maybe a Mech-On fic where Roadhog is overhwelmed by ab army of Hanas - would that work as a request?" Anything works as a request, Anon! I love some good crack in the morning.

“Hey, B.Va, could you move over? I wanna be cuddled too!” yelled Junker

The 7’4 hulking giant of a man couldn’t even bring himself to even form sentences, not even basic words. He hadn’t been this happy in years, or doted upon since before the explosion back in Australia, and his trembling lips couldn’t utter a single syllable, even if he tried. His palms grew damp with sweat, and underneath his black gas mask, his cheeks were a rosy shade of pink. If something were to strike him dead right then and there, he could die a happy man. 

“No way, Junker, this is my spot, I called his lap, deal with it,” snapped the perky little yellow and black princess. Her hair, tied nice in a tight little bun, rubbed up against his soft belly as she leaned back into him. 

“B.Va, you’re so lame. Look, his shoulders are obviously the softest. Plus, I get to be high up! I bet if I stood, I could see my house from here. And, I’m in prime kissing territory. You’re all beneath me!” The Hana who owned the White Rabbit mech called, kissing the top of his head to make her point.

He never believed in a God before. Leave that crap for Junkrat, he was always the more religious one of the two. And even if there was one, he probably deserved to be in hell. But, this? This was heaven. All he could ever ask for, and more, right in the palm of his thick hands. He must’ve finally got sick of Junkrat’s shit and blown his brains out, died, and gone to heaven. He wasn’t sure how five versions of the same woman were possible, or why he woke up with these five surrounding him and loving up on him. But, it felt like the best day in his whole life.

Finally, he found the words to speak.

“Plenty of room, girls. I’m not a small guy, as you’ve probably figured out.”

Taegeukgi clinged to his left arm, giggling. Her oaky eyes stared at him curiously, and her pink rosebud lips formed an innocent little ‘o’ when he glanced down at her. While she was the funniest, B.Va was a complete Queen Bee (in the cutest way possible), Junker reminded him of Australia, and regular D.Va had the most tender hands, White Rabbit just stole his big old heart with her kindness. For a man who was usually such a brute, he couldn’t help but melt at the hands of these girls. 

He was not young, nor beautiful. His physique was poor, and as a person, he was generally a cruel abomination who didn’t deserve anything good in life. But, these five lovely ladies were all snuggled into him, and even fighting over him. Him! The only time he had ever been fought over was in back in Junkertown, when two blokes argued over who got to kill him. 

Junker innocently made herself a nice little spot against his side, pressing her face in. The women back in Junkertown didn’t have a thing on the little beauty, that he knew. 

“Oh, Mako, it’s a perfect day to be here with you, I wouldn’t want anything else!” Regular D.Va burst into a giggling fit, stroking his right hand and giving it one of the best - and only - massages he’d ever received, as her tiny little fingers kneaded and glided across his hand. It was very nice to hear a sentence start with ‘It’s a perfect day’, and not end with the phrase ‘for some mayhem’. 

“That feels great, Hana, thanks,” he sighed, feeling relieved. 

And that’s when the peace ended, and the arguments started.

“I’m gonna go scavenging for some good scrap, later on today. Would you care to join me?” Junker asked, pulling her goggles down and revealing her eager eyes.

“Junker, I’m sorry, but I was going to let him watch me stream,” D.Va said, digging her knuckles into a particualrly tense part of his hand and illiciting a deep and satisfied groan from Mako. Those video games really did make her good with her hands, she was very precise.

“Actually, D.Va, he was going to watch me model. Sorry, you’re out of luck,” sneered B.Va, glaring up at the other four Hanas. 

“He’s never heard me singing, though! I was going to show him my lovely singing,” whined Taegeukgi, who clung like glue to his left arm. 

“Not trying to be mean, Taegeukgi, but, I’ve heard myself sing. He’s not missing much, we’re horrible singers. I wanted to take a nice long walk with him in the park when it’s empty, maybe at night,” White Rabbit fired back, wrapping her long legs around his neck and hugging his head. 

He was beginning to feel overwhelmed. Five versions of who was, in his opinion, one of the most beautiful woman in the world arguing over him? He really must’ve died and gone to paradise, nothing like this had ever happened before, or would likely ever happen again. He was butt-ugly, fat, and not the nicest guy around. 

“Girls, I’m sure I could find a way to do all of that. It’s not like I’m the busiest guy in the world, I’d like to do all of those things with you,” His voice was painfully nervous, getting stuck on a few words. 

B.Va looked up at him, still laying across his lap and pressing her cute little face into his large gut. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged tight, and asked, in a marshmellowy, gumdrop-ish, sprinkle covered, chocolate sauce doused tone of voice.

“Oh, Mako, tell me which one of us is your favorite. It’s me, right?” She batted those long pretty eyelashes at him, and stuck out a pouty lower lip. The discourse really began.

“Of course itt’s not you, bimbo! Nothing beats the original. I came first, and I’m the best at video games. Men go nuts for girls who enjoy dorky stuff, it’s a no-competition,” D.Va kissed up his arm, sure she was his favorite.

Junker piped up quickly. “We have the most in common. We both build stuff out of scrap, and can’t stand being around Junkrat, none of you can hold a candle to me,” She did have a good point: they had a lot more in common than the others.

“Doesn’t matter if you have a lot more in common if you dress like absolute trash. Look at me, I’m practically the queen,” bragged B.Va, who quickly returned to her diabetes-inducing voice, and added, “Except you, of course, Mako. You make it look good. I’m more referring to garbage girl over there,” B.Va shot an evil, hateful glare towards the short haired little lady.

“B.Va, not to be nasty, but you’re kind of… I dunno, a bitch? Why would Hog ever want to spend time with you? Besides, none of you have a good sense of humor. At least I know how to laugh,” Taegeukgi blew an out of place hair back where it belonged, smiling with a shrug.

White Rabbit quietly held onto his head, watching the others devolve into petty arguments that Roadhog didn’t understand in the slightest. B.Va threw a nasty little sneer to Taegeukgi and mentioned something about catching her ‘stuffing’, whatever the hell that meant. That devolved to a cruel laugh and D.Va telling them they were both ‘casuals’. Casually what, he wasn’t sure. Of course, Junker stuffed a line in there about how none of them could tell a screwdriver from a wrench and if any of them needed repairs on their mechs, to ‘count her the fuck out’.

Women were scary, that was something Roadhog had forgotten.

He knew he had to say something as Junker grabbed B.Va by the bun in her hair and yanked her like a little rag doll. And he didn’t really know what to say, so he just told the truth. He’d always been told women loved honesty, so, why not be honest?

“White Rabbit is my favorite,” he answered, simply.

Wrong answer. Now, he had four women loudly yelling at White Rabbit until she cried. If they started getting violent, he would have to step out. He could take big burly men in bars, show up to a gunfight with nothing but his fists, and win, and survive post-apocalypse Australia. But, women fighting? Count him out, that’s more terrifying than anything he could have seen in Junkertown. They tried to rip hair right out of the roots and claw at your eyes right out of your sockets. He’d rather go back to prison than get in the middle of two fighting girls.  
‘   
“I care for you all equally, though. I don’t really have a favorite, truly, girls. White Rabbit is just the sweetest,” he tried to fix it, and take it back, but the yelling just got even louder and angrier.

That’s when things started getting strange, as if they weren’t already. The earth began to shake, violently, but none of the girls seemed to react. Their screaming, however, went up another three octaves. It gargled together, becoming a misshapen monster of tantrums. It became a huge violent beast, as the ground around him shattered, and broke off, falling into an endless abyss of black nothingness.

And then, he fell.

And then, nothing.

And then, Junkrat was standing over him in his bunk.

“Hog. Hog, hey do you know if the monkey fellow fixed the soda pop machine? I know it’s about three in the morning, but I’m dying for a coke. Ever since the stupid hunk-o-trash bloody broke, I’ve been without. You know if he’s fixed it yet?” Roadhog pried his eyes open and turned to look at the cause of all of his headaches. 

Jamison had just pried him out of one of the best dreams of his lives. Regardless of arguing, he still had five women in love with him. That’s five more than he’d ever had in the waking world. And he had just been woken up for something that easily could have waited until morning.

“Junkrat. Know how I always say one of these days, you’re going to push me to my edge?”

“Yeah,”

“Know how I said when I do, I’m gonna wrap my fat sausage fingers around your neck and ring you until you’re dead?”

“Yeah,”

“Know how I told you to never, ever wake me up from a dead sleep unless we’re in a life-or-death situation?”

“Yeah,”

“Run. I’ll give you a five second head start. Run for your worthless life,”

And he ran.


End file.
